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ASK AUNTIE FASCIST

Our resident fifth-wave feminist offers timely advice for today's

intersectional prog


Dear Auntie,

I am a cis-gendered male, pronouns they/them/it. I've recently re-labeled myself as a gender neutral and cleansed my identity of those regressive male pronouns. The last thing on earth I ever want to be known as is one of those super-straight bigots. In short order, I attracted the attention of a plethora of sex partners, providing me with ample opportunity to indulge. Yet after lengthy explorations, I find myself unable to enjoy my journey as much as I had originally hoped. I've tried deer people, the Elfkins, the transgendered both pre-op and post-op, the queers, goblins, unicorns, matadors, you name it. And still I find myself slipping back into my old ways and feeling that pesky attraction towards cis-gendered females that I had before I learned to embrace my true self. Can you point me in some direction because I am literally lost!

-Guy Sectomi


Dear Guy,

Bravo! You've managed to out yourself as a superstraight bigot all while claiming to denounce superstraight bigots. But tolerant as I am, I leave you with this valuable advice: don't allow yourself to become ensnared in one of these pesky cis relationships! There are many options available to you.

A minor adjustment in choice of gender status for yourself and/or your partner/partners can counter some of the damaging effects that cisness is having on your sensitive psyche. By simply assuming the pronouns 'she/her', you will be free to pursue cis females as a lesbian.

Alternately, you can discuss this issue with your partner to decide if adjusting hir gender status might be the more comfortable solution. If your lumbar tendencies persist, there is always the option of "cutting away the sin". Thanks to rapid yet reliable advancements in medical technology, this option is now as easy as a visit to your doctor!

Any of these options could help transform your erroneous straight perversions into more socially acceptable habits, and you may even be able to avoid being a bigot for the rest of your life!

Best Regards,

Auntie Fascist



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