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CHINA IN THE CROSSHAIRS

Flip City's resident guerilla journalist DEVLIN ALISTAIR sets his sights on the socialists and chides the Chi-Coms

Ah, China.

The Red Dragon. The Sleeping Giant. The land of the Wu Tang, mahjong, and Kungs Pao and Fu. China gave the world paper, silk and the compass. It gave us tea, porcelain and those firecrackers I strapped to my sister’s Barbie dolls. Its contributions are undeniable, but these days,

China hangs its red head low.

CHINA – yeah, I’m talking to you! - you brought us a made-to-order pandemic that broke the nation’s back. Your Beijing Bug forced people into cramped quarters where they had to talk to each other for the first time in years. I’d stab Ghandi if I were stuck in a hut with him for a summer. Coz there are limits to love, bro!

If you ask me, it was a half-assed pandemic to boot. Bubonic Plague at least had the nuts to take out a third of Europe. Is this the best you can do, you pussies?! Ha.

And if germs and genocide weren’t bad enough, you’ve been conspiring with bona fide traitors entrenched in our academic system to indoctrinate our kids into planetary socialism and even creepier things, if that’s possible. Naughty, naughty.

We Americans just want to get on with our lives, but you’re getting in the way. Your minions have brought your Cultural Revolution shame tactics to our shores to undermine and discredit our most fundamental and revered principles. Your plans for planetary consolidation are unsustainable, to say the least, and we’ve had our fill of your Fentanyl import fetish...


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