You will own nothing and you WILL be happy dammit.
Because Flip City cares about your happiness and convenience we've created this handy guide to...
Home ownership, like most forms of ownership, is inherently oppressive. It saddles you with responsibilities and costs that nobody should have to bear. A house of your own not only demands constant maintenance, from leaky pipes and roofs to clogged leaf gutters and overgrown lawns, but on top there are property fees and taxes to keep track of. Arrgh!
Who needs the bother? Also, what's it like to your house to be "owned" like a slave? Fortunately, you can master the art of smart urban living like I did with the TRICON RESIDENTIAL LIVING PLAN! All your property needs are covered when you apply for residence in one of TRICON's many nationwide locations.
Your TRICON residential arrangement provides for thorough weekly safety and comfort inspections of your unit's interior and exterior, ensuring you never know the inconvenience of a broken toaster oven again. As you own nothing in your home, you have virtually zero responsibilities! And, ALL your costs of living – from your cel phone bill to your weed – are handled and paid off automatically by TRICON from your TRICON digital currency credit account, supplemented weekly. You literally never have to think about or deal with money. And that leaves more time for things that really matter in life, like managing your current massively multiplayer online gaming campaign. Is this true freedom at last?! Pre-arranged meals are delivered three times a day per Tricon's Healthy Residents Program, in conjunction with DoorDash.
It's like having four-star hotel room service every day of the year. You’d be crazy not to want this lifestyle! Even your news and entertainment choices are predetermined for your convenience. If you're a
Zoomer like me with a busy social media life, you just don’t have time for all these microdecisions.
Tell me what I need to know and get on with it! TRICON provides the ultimate sense of security for your living experience. Each unit is monitored inside and out 24/7 remotely by our camera network operations data center in Langley, VA. And if your unit is targeted by crime, it even comes with a panic closet! Let the crooks take what they want, it isn’t yours anyways! And also, that’s what TRICON has insurance for. So while all those suckers march off to their jobs, to pay off their mortgages, you can experience zen-level fulfillment in a fully furnished TRICON residence. Face it, It's just better to borrow!
OWN IT AND BE HAPPY!
For more life hacks subscribe to FLIP CITY magazine and get 4 PRINT issues per year delivered directly to your street-side hovel. You'll own it and be happy!
